There were days before time existed where all was darkness. From this darkness their emerged a god. One day after a crazy night at a bar called "The Big Bang", the god went to the cosmos version of Taco Bell to answer the alcohol hunger craves and to continue the drown the sorrows of another unlucky night with the cougars. After his highly satisfying meal of 30% beefs and freeze dried veggies, the god, Ill call him Dave but his name is really unimportant, passed out. A few hours later, the meal he had earlier consumed decided that it was time to be released from the belly of the beast. In an act of violent convulsions that sounded like the calling of dinosaurs, Dave puked all over the porcelain toilet residing in his bathroom. the pieces of corn and meat left over from this regurgitative act became a stagnant galaxy. Nothing moved, nothing lived, nothing breathed.
In a drunken realization, Dave decided that he could put life on the floating particles residing in the bowl. On the biggest piece of meat, Dave decided he would create a group of thousands of different creatures. He spent the next few drunken hours creating all the life on earth. Plants and animals, specifically humans, were put down in different corners of the planet and set up to live. Unfortunately, Dave became hungover and had puke breath and realized that there was no way he had the energy, nor the proper breath to create life. He therefore gave up the dream of companionship and flushed. The cool rush of the spinning vortex caused by the spiral flow of the toilet was enough to awaken the life on the planet and create the spin of the universe. Now a days this toilet spins and spins, and life will continue until the vortex is consumed by the PVC pipe connected to the toilet consumes the galaxy and sends it into the septic underworld.
The End
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